My mind is too cluttered at the moment. I am unable to think clearly. So if anyone is regulary reading this, apologies for the delay.

Gudiya

Its about your name. Gudiya. I have a confession. This name is not your exclusive nickname. You know, every girl I know, sisters, friends, and you guys who are reading this, I call all of them Gudiya.

Trust me, 'hum koi kaminapan nahi kar rahe the'. Its just that I like this name so much. And when everyone has the same name, its lot easier to remember.

You know, once I thought of making a message group 'Gudiya', so that I can write the message like "hi Gudiya. Kya kar rahi ho" and send it to all the girls. But I didn't do it. Never. I felt a bit ashamed :-\

So, though the name is shared, my messages are always for you, exclusively :)

I can't sing. Not yet.

Listen. The thing is, I want to compose a song about how I feel about you, and sing it to you. But another thing is, I have not finished the composition, nor completed the song. Also, I don't play guitar very well or sing either. So please do one thing. Listen to the song "No man will ever love you, like I do" by Raghu Dixit. Those are the words I want to sing to you, and that is the passion I feel about you. Just think its me singing to you. Ok?

Humko bhookh lag rahi hai

Yaar badi tez bhookh lag rahi hai. Aur bada aalas bhi aa raha hai. Bhookh sone nahi de rahi. Aalas uthne nahi de raha. Iss time to pizza bhi nahi aayega. Saare biscuit-namkeen bhi kal khatam ho gaye. Uhh. I hate it. Aur mai bhi gadha hu. Khane ki jagah blog likh raha hu :D

Its going to be like I want it to be

You be as practical as you want to be. And I will be as stupid as I can be. I will keep holding you. Its not over until it is over. Sounds stupid? You bet it does.

I know. You don't want to talk that stuff. It hurts you. We both know there is nothing between us. We are not committed. So talking all this is useless. And painful. For both of us. You don't show this as much as I do. You sure are not stronger. May be more practical. Yes. That word fits. Actually, this is your own word. But you know what, I am stupid and unpractical. I do not try to trouble you, but I sometimes just can't control and say such things. Sorry. I really am. I am too much selfish. When you don't listen, try to change the topic, I understand very well that you are trying to avoid pain for both of us. But you know what, I can't avoid it. Not anymore. I have gone too far to return. But I will definitely try not to trouble you. Can't promise, but I sure will try.

Btw, I had written this last night. Just edited it today for spelling mistake and it changed the date.

I want to watch "the great indian laughter challenge" with you. I want to see you laugh. I want to laugh with you.

Right now I am writing because I want to. But if I share this, then may be I would write because I have to.

I've found you. All of you.

Every one is searching for someone. Someone who would listen to you. Even when you cry. Person with whom you can share thoughts. Ask for help. Ask for suggestions. Believe me. Not all boys have just one thing on their mind. Though, its not necessary that he would listen to you always.  He is not your babysitter. People have their own lives. Their own problems. But still, that is the person that you can count on. May be not on the day of your problem, but definitely, that person is out there for you. Thinking about you with a smile for sure. Caring about you.

And when you find that person, you just stop searching. Thats when you stop caring for anyone else. You just don't need anyone else in your life.

I am so glad that I have found you. All of you.

Btw, when you don't pick up my phone, other good people get a chance to slip into the inner circle. And thats how, 'you' became 'all of you'.

Just because you could not do a few things, doesn't mean that you can do nothing.

Her eyes

I am getting "pathetically" romantic. I am writing a new song about her eyes. And obviously, now when I have seen that how beautiful those eyes are, the song is getting so romantic. While writing, I can almost see those eyes. And I keep forgetting what I want to write. This is a line in the song too. May be I will share it with you soon. But I don't want it to sound like some cheap shayari. For now, I've taken a break. But those eyes are still here. I don't think anyone has ever felt the eyes.

Sometimes I feel like you are with me only because I am still holding on to you. I am still in hope. I feel as if the moment I leave your hand, I will lose you. May be that's why, I always keep you on my mind.

Ye sab kuch nahi, bas pagalpan hai. Mai koi pareshan wareshan nahi hu. Wo to mai bas bore ho raha hu. Abhi mere paas laptop nahi hai na. To bas khali baithe baithe kuch bhi soche jaa rahe hain. Aur bhukh bhi lagi hai. Abhi kuch banate hain jaa kar, fir so jayenge. Sab thik.

I can't breathe. Please call.

Not yet

You know what, I want to share this blog with you right now. But the thing is, as soon as I tell you, you would start reading it. And may be, keep visiting for newer posts. But I am not yet sure that whether I would be writing this even after a few days. And then it would not look good. But I do want to look good to you. Am I being too open?

Moon spotlight

I need someone to photograph me right now. I am playing guitar. Sitting under the window, on mattress. Dressed fully formal, except for shoes. Yes, I am wearing socks too. There is no power. And I am under the spotlight of moon. Awesome. :D

I love music

I love music. Right now, Ati and music are the only two things that I trust. Not even parents or god. Everyone else seems to get busy, just when I am about to cry. But these two never leave. Also, everything and everyone else seems to be temporary. No guaruntee. But I have a feeling that these two would be permanent. Though Ati too gets busy sometimes. Doesn't talk for days. But she has her own problems. She's not my babysitter. I still don't know why she listens to me. I sometimes feel like a burden on her. Actually, I feel like a burden to all my 'close' friends. I cry a lot. Everyone has problems. No one else shares them as much as I do. Maybe I have better friend than they have. Maybe, they are stronger than me. All of you reading this, deserve better a friend than me. But hey, don't be so happy. I am too selfish. I am not going to leave you :')

Playing without notes

While playing guitar, you need not always play the notes. Just keep strumming. You will still get good notes. You can even compose new song. And you will enjoy. Thats what it matters. Enjoy. With or without. People. Places. Props. You can still enjoy without the proper "notes".

that's why

So much I want to say. And you don't even pick up the phone. So, I'm writing this blog. Read whenever you get time.