I always feel happy when I talk to you. Its the future that scares me.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
The only option is the right option
I should atleast try. If I do not succeed, I won't be happy and I won't get any satisfaction either. And I would not even not get rid of the guilt. God knows, if he is, that if this goes wrong, then I am going to blame myself completely for all the wrongs, and would carry this guilt all my life, atleast this life. Hope there is not another life.
The only reason why I should try is because it is the right thing to do.
But may be that is not why I am doing it. I am doing it because I DO NOT HAVE ANY OTHER OPTION.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
तेरी आँखों का मैं दीवाना
तेरी आँखों का मैं दीवाना
तेरी पलकों की शैतानियाँ,
तेरे काजल की नादानियाँ,
तेरी आँखों की ये कहानियाँ |
तेरी आँखों में जो खो जाऊँ,
तो हर मंजिल को पा जाऊँ |
तेरी नज़रों का मैं कायल हूँ,
तेरी आँखों का मैं दीवाना |१|
उनींदी आँखें, मुंदी हुई,
शरमाई आँखें, झुकी हुई,
मासूम हैं आँखें, खुली हुई,
कभी गुस्से से हैं भरी हुई |
इन आँखों में ग़र डूब सकूं
तो मैं शायद जी जाऊँ |
तेरी नज़रों का मैं कायल हूँ,
तेरी आँखों का मैं दीवाना |२|
खुली पलकों में जो शरारतें,
मुंदी पलकों में वो इबादतें,
गर प्यार से देखे, इनायतें,
तेरी तिरछी नज़रें कयामतें
इन आँखों में सब देख लिया,
अब हसरत है की मर जाऊँ
तेरी नज़रों का मैं कायल हूँ,
तेरी आँखों का मैं दीवाना |३|
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Don't worry. I won't do it.
I wished to spend all my life with you. So, if this is the end of us being together, this is going to be the end.of my life.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
When I grew beard
A few days back, I was extremely sad. I had become dull. Didn't feel like doing anything. Then I got posted to Belapur. It is in Navi Mumbai. My daily journey to office,and back, suddenly increased from 3 hours to 6 hours.
It was at that time when I decided to let my beard grow. The reason being laziness and sadness, combined. You are no longer forced to spend(waste) 10 minutes everyday.
No one noticed initially. A beard of a week or two is considered to be the result of just ignorance. And considered "cool". But when it started to "outgrow", people started to notice and ask. I didn't mind. I kinda enjoyed the discussions about the beard and my new look. Note: no one ever called me Devdas. Though it was once guessed that I am doing this out of some "prayer" or "mannat". My favourite comment was "he now looks like 'Al-Qaeda'". Hee. I was seriously thinking about shaving my moustaches to get the perfect look. But I didn't. Thankfully.
Days were going by. I was no longer forced to bleed myself, daily. I was saving 10 minutes of time daily, all of which I utilized in sleeping. A well trimmed beard made me look older and graver. If someone pushed me a little by mistake, in train or bus, just one simple look would fetch me an apology. Scared apology. I am more used used to friendly apologies, something like pat-on-shoulder apology. But this was new. Honestly, I was enjoying it.
Then again, weather was beginning to change in office. I had decided not to stay more than 8 hours. And thus I invited my seniors to fight with me. This senior guy has more work experience than my age. But I guess, it was this beard that helped me face him. I must tell you, when I am angry, I look scary. And with this beard, I was pure 'Al-Qaeda'. Well, everything went well. Well as in he stopped talking to me. Obviously, if you don't talk, you can't assign any work. Bliss.
I missed to mention a very important use of this beard. It allows you to hide emotions. It hides most of the facial expressions, so no one can tell what mood you are in. Even when you are crying, no one would notice. Helped me a lot to sulk in office time. I could hide behind my beard.
Well, then one day, it was my birthday(Heee). I had bought all-black cloths for the occasion. The theme was Man-in-Black. For those who think Will Smith is the original man in black, should know that Johnny Cash was the first man in black. His first audition, where he played his first hit "Folsom prison blues" was played while wearing black. Later, he even wrote a song titled "Man in black". You should ask me sometime to sing it to you.
Anyways, coming back to the beard, I thought that this beard would go nicely with the all black suit. It did. But not many people agreed with me. I had lost a lot of weight in the last couple of months. And the shirt I was wearing was half sleeves, something you should avoid if you are thin. Fashion blunder. The result was that no one seemed to notice that how cool the combo of my black suit and beard was. Instead, everyone focused on me getting extremely thin in one day.
It was then, that I started to think, that may be its time to get rid of this beard. But now the problem is, I have started to like it. I think I look like "Sad Keanu". You should google it. Though I think that I look better with just moustaches. But I am used to it now. I like the freedom. If I shave it, I will have to shave daily. 10 minutes less sleep daily. Also, my scary looks would be gone. I would again be the "cute cute" guy (please agree ^_^ ). And I would be more vulnerable. People attack you if they know that you are weak. No longer my sadness would be hidden.
But I know that I can handle this much. I should try.
Yaar mai kitna zyada sochta hun :D
Sunday, July 29, 2012
My first online venture
It's 2:31 AM. July 30th. I have started my first online venture. I have bought the domain and found a free hosting. But the site is not yet up. Facing some tecnical problems. Should sleep now. Will check later.
No. I will not tell what it is. Not yet. But I know, this is big.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Complete faith
Never underestimate anyone's problems. You don't know what he is going through, or what brought him to this situation. No problem is small. You might have had all the experiences in the world, and you might have handled some similar problem differently. But you are not in his shoes, and you can not judge him.
If someone is sharing his problem with you, then at that moment, you are the most important person for him, on the entire planet. People share problems, not because they feel that you are a fool or your time is worth wasting. They do so, because they trust you. They rely on you. They count on you that you might have some answer for them. Even if you can't help, you make them feel secure.
If people have come to trust you, started relying upon you, and you don't like it, then its your problem, not theirs. And once you are in that position, you can not back off. And if you are wondering "Why not?", then the answer would be "This is not a decent thing to do!".
You can't filter out the problems that you don't want to listen to according to your taste. This is not a television channel. This is a person believing in you. If you have given him a reason to have faith in you, then you have to carry out that faith.
Faith is never subjective. Or partial. The only adjective that goes with faith is "Complete".
I share with you because I believe in you. I have trusted you. I have let you inside my inner circle, and you are now in for all aspects of my life. No exceptions. Complete faith.
And I know, that you too have the same faith in me. <3
Monday, July 16, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-Epilogue
I came back in one and a half hour, by bus. Actually, it took me another 5 hours to get home, but that was because I went to mall(s).
While coming back, I could see all the places that I had walked a few hours before, and had taken photos. I was laughing a lot, by myself, while going. I laughed even more while coming back. I was in tears when inside the temple. I just could not believe that I did it. I still don't believe it. Mai na poora pagal hu.
And in case you are wondering on how to react, I just want you to laugh with me.
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
Ho gaye darshan. Blog likhne ke chakkar me to khana khana hi bhul gaye.
Vaise, I still can't believe ki mai yaha tak aa gaya :)
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
I am not expecting anything from you. You did all, that you could. I don't expect anything from me. I did everything that I could.
I am just expecting from those who could have, but haven't, yet.
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
Dekho kinne saare kaboooootarrrrrrr! :D 4 hrs me 13 km ho gaye. Bas pahuchne hi wale hain.
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
In case you don't remember, maine Siddhi Vinayak par mannat maangi thi ki jab hamari shaadi karwa doge, to mai Mumbai me jaha bhi reh raha hounga, waha se apke paas paidal aunga. Nange pair.
Humne socha apna kaam hum poora kar lete hain. Unka kaam ab wo jaane.
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
Acchi jheel hai na! Aur uss taraf Price Waterhouse Coopers ka office dikh raha hai.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
Pata hai, bada maza aa raha hai :D Abhi samosa-paav khaya. Ab Appi fizz.
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
Siddhi vinayak temple is in Prabhadevi. Its around 16 kms from Lokhandwala Complex, Andheri. I have been walking for little more than one hour now. 11 kms left. Not bad.
Journey to Siddhi Vinayak-live
This is the live telecast of my journey to Siddhi Vinayak. Keep watching for updates.
Brx duh Ph, L dp Brx!
Long back, when I found you, I used to think, I know, what you feel. Then I understood what you feel. Trust me, right now, I feel what you feel.
I can talk with you, without you. Because I know what you would say. May be that's why I dream about you every day. And night too. Dreams are hazy by nature. You don't see much. You can't see clearly. But I always see you. Always hear you. Touch you. Hold you.
I can feel your joys. And i feel sad when you are sad. I know what you are thinking. I see what you see. I can feel your fears. This is the reason I dont trust any other boy to take care of you. For me, you are no longer you. You are me. I have become you.
You are the person, who first tried to understand me. You simplified me, for me. You cared about me. You believed in me when no one believed me. Not even me.
I had started to think that you are a part of me. Something like "you complete me". But I was wrong. So wrong.
Because you are no longer just a part of me. You have become me. You know what I feel. You know what I think. You know what I would say. There lives a person in my mirror, who tries to reflect me. But even he makes mistakes sometimes. You don't. When I see you, I see myself. Smiling, laughing, shouting, crying, happy, sad, me.
You now care for things you never cared about. I have stopped caring for a lot of stuff that used to trouble me. You have changed me, and made me like you. I have changed you, and made you like me.
You are no longer just a part of me. You have become me. I am no longer just someone who understands you. I have become you.
You have become me, I have become you.
You are me. I am you.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
I dreamt about you the whole night
Last night I dreamt about you. And it was not just one dream as usual. I dreamt the whole night about you. We were together in all the dreams. First we were working together late night in office, you wanted to go home and I was asking you to stay just so that we could be together a little longer. Then we were riding "tanga" together. Holding hands. Travelling in Mymbai local. And this one you won't believe. We did sky jumping together. We jumped out of the plane and came down gliding. I DON'T KNOW HOW WE LANDED, BUT WE FLEW TOGETHER PRETTY WELL.
Last night was the best time I have ever spent with anyone. And if we could live together, it is going to be the most awesome experience of our lives.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Sach me...
Tera rang aisa chadh gaya
Koi aur rang na chadh sake
Tera naam seene pe likha
Har koi aa ke padh sake
Hai junoon hai hai junoon hai,
Tere ishq ka ye junoon hai
Rag rag me ishq tera daudta,
Ye bawra sa khoon hai
Tune hi sikhaya sacchaiyon ka matlab.
Tere paas aake jaana maine zindagi ka maksad
Saccha hai pyar mera...
Monday, July 2, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Sit by my side
I want to share with you so many things,
But sometimes I just couldn't write.
Sometimes I don't find the words,
And sometimes it just doesn't rhyme.
I am scared and I'm shivering,
I don't see anything going right.
But I don't want to do anything,
Just hide in a corner and cry.
I feel completely insecure,
Everyone will leave me by tonight.
But you've been always there for me,
And I know, upon you, I can rely.
You already know everything,
I've got nothing to hide.
I just want you to hold my hand,
And sit by my side.
There is something very heavy in my chest that wants to come out. It is exerting pressure on my ribs and lungs. I am unable to breathe. Can't think of anything but this pressure in my chest. I feel as if I would feel better if I am stabbed with a knife. Whatever it is, I just want this thing to come out. Someone please puncture a few holes in my chest so that I can breathe. Please help me.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
You are part of me now.
You are part of me now. Its now not possible to separate you from me. But when it is tried, I feel like being ripped off in half. And this is causing too much pain. Physical pain. Not just Heartache. The whole body hurts. The soul hurts. Ah :'(
Sab galat ho raha hai
Mere sath sab galat ho raha hai. Kuch thik nahi ho raha. Tum sab chale jaoge. Mai akela reh jaunga.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Are you an idiot?
If you are wondering that why I have not posted anything for so long, then you must be an Idiot.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Gudiya
Its about your name. Gudiya. I have a confession. This name is not your exclusive nickname. You know, every girl I know, sisters, friends, and you guys who are reading this, I call all of them Gudiya.
Trust me, 'hum koi kaminapan nahi kar rahe the'. Its just that I like this name so much. And when everyone has the same name, its lot easier to remember.
You know, once I thought of making a message group 'Gudiya', so that I can write the message like "hi Gudiya. Kya kar rahi ho" and send it to all the girls. But I didn't do it. Never. I felt a bit ashamed :-\
So, though the name is shared, my messages are always for you, exclusively :)
Saturday, April 7, 2012
I can't sing. Not yet.
Listen. The thing is, I want to compose a song about how I feel about you, and sing it to you. But another thing is, I have not finished the composition, nor completed the song. Also, I don't play guitar very well or sing either. So please do one thing. Listen to the song "No man will ever love you, like I do" by Raghu Dixit. Those are the words I want to sing to you, and that is the passion I feel about you. Just think its me singing to you. Ok?
Friday, April 6, 2012
Humko bhookh lag rahi hai
Yaar badi tez bhookh lag rahi hai. Aur bada aalas bhi aa raha hai. Bhookh sone nahi de rahi. Aalas uthne nahi de raha. Iss time to pizza bhi nahi aayega. Saare biscuit-namkeen bhi kal khatam ho gaye. Uhh. I hate it. Aur mai bhi gadha hu. Khane ki jagah blog likh raha hu :D
Its going to be like I want it to be
You be as practical as you want to be. And I will be as stupid as I can be. I will keep holding you. Its not over until it is over. Sounds stupid? You bet it does.
I know. You don't want to talk that stuff. It hurts you. We both know there is nothing between us. We are not committed. So talking all this is useless. And painful. For both of us. You don't show this as much as I do. You sure are not stronger. May be more practical. Yes. That word fits. Actually, this is your own word. But you know what, I am stupid and unpractical. I do not try to trouble you, but I sometimes just can't control and say such things. Sorry. I really am. I am too much selfish. When you don't listen, try to change the topic, I understand very well that you are trying to avoid pain for both of us. But you know what, I can't avoid it. Not anymore. I have gone too far to return. But I will definitely try not to trouble you. Can't promise, but I sure will try.
Btw, I had written this last night. Just edited it today for spelling mistake and it changed the date.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I've found you. All of you.
Every one is searching for someone. Someone who would listen to you. Even when you cry. Person with whom you can share thoughts. Ask for help. Ask for suggestions. Believe me. Not all boys have just one thing on their mind. Though, its not necessary that he would listen to you always. He is not your babysitter. People have their own lives. Their own problems. But still, that is the person that you can count on. May be not on the day of your problem, but definitely, that person is out there for you. Thinking about you with a smile for sure. Caring about you.
And when you find that person, you just stop searching. Thats when you stop caring for anyone else. You just don't need anyone else in your life.
I am so glad that I have found you. All of you.
Btw, when you don't pick up my phone, other good people get a chance to slip into the inner circle. And thats how, 'you' became 'all of you'.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Her eyes
I am getting "pathetically" romantic. I am writing a new song about her eyes. And obviously, now when I have seen that how beautiful those eyes are, the song is getting so romantic. While writing, I can almost see those eyes. And I keep forgetting what I want to write. This is a line in the song too. May be I will share it with you soon. But I don't want it to sound like some cheap shayari. For now, I've taken a break. But those eyes are still here. I don't think anyone has ever felt the eyes.
Not yet
You know what, I want to share this blog with you right now. But the thing is, as soon as I tell you, you would start reading it. And may be, keep visiting for newer posts. But I am not yet sure that whether I would be writing this even after a few days. And then it would not look good. But I do want to look good to you. Am I being too open?
Moon spotlight
I need someone to photograph me right now. I am playing guitar. Sitting under the window, on mattress. Dressed fully formal, except for shoes. Yes, I am wearing socks too. There is no power. And I am under the spotlight of moon. Awesome. :D
I love music
I love music. Right now, Ati and music are the only two things that I trust. Not even parents or god. Everyone else seems to get busy, just when I am about to cry. But these two never leave. Also, everything and everyone else seems to be temporary. No guaruntee. But I have a feeling that these two would be permanent. Though Ati too gets busy sometimes. Doesn't talk for days. But she has her own problems. She's not my babysitter. I still don't know why she listens to me. I sometimes feel like a burden on her. Actually, I feel like a burden to all my 'close' friends. I cry a lot. Everyone has problems. No one else shares them as much as I do. Maybe I have better friend than they have. Maybe, they are stronger than me. All of you reading this, deserve better a friend than me. But hey, don't be so happy. I am too selfish. I am not going to leave you :')
Playing without notes
While playing guitar, you need not always play the notes. Just keep strumming. You will still get good notes. You can even compose new song. And you will enjoy. Thats what it matters. Enjoy. With or without. People. Places. Props. You can still enjoy without the proper "notes".
Monday, April 2, 2012
that's why
So much I want to say. And you don't even pick up the phone. So, I'm writing this blog. Read whenever you get time.
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